


Cheat

by This_is_your_Heichou_speaking



Series: Cross My Heart [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cheating, I'm not even sure I like it but meh, It's basically Harry talking and Terry listening, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 00:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10797513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_is_your_Heichou_speaking/pseuds/This_is_your_Heichou_speaking
Summary: Unbetaed.





	Cheat

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed.

(He sits in the dark room, alone and unkempt. There is a cassette on the coffee table that he stares at for an uncomfortably long time before he slides it into the tape recorder, and presses play.)

"So... what exactly is the part that hurts? I mean, obviously the whole situation is..."

"Yeah."

"So... is it the fact he lied?"

"That would make sense, wouldn't it. Maybe that's what it is for other people, that they can come home and pretend they still love you, like they aren't betraying you, and that it makes you wonder whether they ever loved you at all. Whether it was even real, or if you imagined it all. Stupidly."

("You didn't," he whispers.)

"But, that's not it for you?"

"No." Breathe, pause. "No, it was different with - with him. I knew, and he knew - Terry, he knew that _I_  knew, and if I had been any braver..."

"It... take your time."

"The thing is, I was terrified of losing him. I loved him so much, and now I think back on it and it was probably so fucking pathetic, that I wouldn't say anything even when it was obvious. And... and he knew. Obviously."

"Mr. Boot didn't say anything either?"

(He hadn't.)

"I think he expected _me_  to? But when I didn't, he stopped caring as much about hiding it, and then it was like he'd just given up and I-" chokes up, voice breaks.

(He winces. He is ashamed, but he has probably made Harry cry a million times, and never looked twice.)

"Take a drink dear." Pours water into a glass and slides it towards him across the table.

"Thanks." Sips. "Terry knew, I know. I was so afraid of saying anything, because even if he... _you know_ , with other people, well. It was still _me_  he was coming home to at the end of the day, right? And if he left, if I confronted him and made him leave, I wouldn't even have _that_ , and I just. I couldn't stand the idea of that. Of not having _anything_."

(He'd still loved him, even then.)

"And what made you change your mind?"

"I don't know. I don't _know_! I just, one day I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, and then I realise that it's not even him anymore."

(He'd already ruined 'them'.)

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, obviously it was him, but he just. We never did anything, or even saw each other for days. And I thought, if that's how he acts, if I feel so horrible in my _own home_  - didn't feel like my home anymore, you know? I felt like I was - like I didn't belong. I can't tell you how -" Breaks off. Pauses. "And I realised that _I_  was the one bringing _myself_  down. Nobody was forcing him to stop caring about me, but nobody was forcing me to stay and put up with it either."

"So you left?"

"Well yeah. And I mean, it's just so cruel, you know? If you don't _want_  to be with me anymore then just tell me! It's not only mean or - I mean. It's so _disrespectful_!"

( _Disgusting_. And he _hates_  himself for it.)

"And have you seen him after?"

"Yeah, occasionally. He. He was pretty surprised, you know. I have no idea what he wanted anymore, but. But I was probably, you know, _convenient_. Someone who kept his house clean and made food for him and minded the bills. And someone who, occasionally, served as a bedmate. So he was awkward about it."

"Awkward how?"

(Awkward like trying to remember a time before. A reason to want you to stay.)

"Like, he clearly didn't care about _me_ , and though he pretended to it was so halfhearted that I think even he knew that it wasn't going to work. So he said, you know, 'don't go' and shit but."

"But he didn't care."

(He does.)

"He didn't."

"But it's better now?"

"Yeah. It was weird at first, but it had turned into such a _bad_  relationship by that point that, honestly, I felt none of the... difficulty? That I thought I would. It felt like a relief, actually."

"You don't miss anything? Think back with nostalgia?"

(He tenses. He wants, and he knows it's stupid but he _hopes_.)

"I miss the first while of our relationship. When we started out. He was so sweet then, so kind and caring and... but he wasn't the same man by the end of it. He wasn't really the man I fell in love with then and, you know, maybe there was a reason for that. But I was there for him, and if Terry had wanted to sort it out or talk or whatever I made sure he knew I was _there_. But he didn't. And I just couldn't stay there any longer."

(Stupid, stupid, stupid.)

"Hmm. It's good to see you doing better, at the very least."

(It is, but it hurts so much.)

"Yeah. I. I _feel_  better too. My friend, she. You know her, right? Hermione? Yeah she's trying to convince me there are 'more fish in the sea' or whatever but I just. I haven't thought about _me_  in so long, you know. I just want to do that, for now. Reaffirm who _I_  am and stuff. I don't want to end up here ever again."

(How ironic, that Harry moved on, and he was still stuck here.)

"That's definitely not a bad idea. I wish you luck."

(How ironic, when he was the one who'd left first.)

"Yeah. Thanks."

(And he is so sorry, but it's too late.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this was a weird new style of writing, I'm not sure it worked so, you know, opinions are welcome. Also, I kinda wrote this other thing and it's Death/Harry so maybe read it? Okay bye.


End file.
